There were a lot of What If’s going through my mind on the trip down to Knoxville and the first couple weeks here. Not all of the What if’s had to do with my social anxiety and are probably thoughts a lot of people have when moving out on their own for the first time.

What If I Never Find a Job

The scariest thing for me about finding a job is going through the interview process whether it’s in person or over the phone. I’m always so worried about being super awkward or saying something wrong. As soon as an interview is over, I go through all the things that went wrong and I’m convinced it cost me the job. When I found out I got a job last week, I was extremely relieved. The interview went really well and the best part about it was that it was more focused on my design skills than it was about how I answered the questions. I even surprised myself and came up with a few good answers to his questions. It’s crazy how much I over analyse little things and convince myself that it’s a huge deal when it never actually is.

What If I Have to Go Back Home

Another “What If” that is related to finding a job is the fear of having to move back in with my parents because I ran out of money. This is one of those ones that I’m sure everyone can relate to when they move without a job. I have a job now and if I can start getting a few clients and design work coming in, I will have no need to worry about going broke.

What If I Can’t Make Friends

Making friends has always been difficult for me and I definitely worry about having to start all over. I’ve had a few opportunities to go to meetups and chickened out at the last minute because I was so worried about what they would think and if no one liked me. Even though my social anxiety is overwhelming and I enjoy being on my own rather than being in huge groups, I still get lonely and crave being around people. I start to miss interaction and conversations and feel the need to hang out with someone. At home, there was usually at least one family member at home that I could go bug for a while, but here I’d have to call them which isn’t the same.

What If I Can’t Break My Netflix Habits

Yesterday was one of those days where all I did was watch Netflix and stay in bed. While it was super nice to not have to worry about needing to do anything, there was a point where I realized this was what I was doing when I lived at my parents. It feels so comfortable to just not have to worry about social interaction or being awkward, but I wanted to take a chance by moving here, not do the same things and have the feeling of wanting more.

What If This Was a Mistake

I had a few panic moments when I was homesick of whether or not I’d made a mistake by moving out. When I hadn’t heard from any companies about a job, when I got my phone stolen for 6 hours, when I was feeling lonely, when I missed seeing my family every day.

I know for a fact that there will be plenty more was this a mistake moments, but I already can tell that moving was a good idea and I’m super excited for what’s to come. Living with my parents was safe and I’m tired of feeling like I’m not taking chances. It’s going to be hard to find friends and get comfortable with having to introduce myself to people, but I know that nothing is going to happen to me when I do. I’m ready to make changes in my life even if it’s going to be hard or if I have days or moments where I wonder if I made a mistake. The moment will pass and there will be so many good things that will come out of making changes.

Emily Finta Logo

Share This