I’ve mentioned how I’ve never had a boyfriend on my blog before and I’ve talked about my experience with social anxiety. Today I decided to share how having my social anxiety is affecting my (lack of) dating life.
Talking to the opposite sex is something I’ve never been able to do. The only exception is family and family friends. If someone around my age talks to me directly, I answer with the shortest sentences possible. Even if it’s someone one of my friends are dating or married too I can still barely say anything. I have gotten a lot better than I used to be now that I know I have social anxiety and I’m taking medication to help but it’s still not helping in the dating area. Sometimes I feel like I am the female version of Raj from Big Bang Theory, although I’m still not as bad as he is.
The last time I was going into a situation where I knew my anxiety would kick in, I kinda kept track of my feelings as the event got closer. I was going to a Ugly Christmas Sweater party and I knew there was a chance that a guy would be there that a friend was supposed to set me up with (more on him later, don’t get too excited though). Anyway, throughout the day I get this nervous feeling in the back of my mind. It’s nothing super overwhelming but it’s always there and as it get closer to the event it gets stronger. My palms get a little sweaty and I start getting a little shaky. Whenever I’m driving, I blast the music and sings as loudly as I can which makes me feel so much better. Once I get super close to where I’m going I just can’t sing anymore and I start thinking about all the things that could happen, good or bad. Once I get there I’m usually completely fine (unless a guy talks to me, not that it happens very often) and just have as much fun as I can.
I’ve never been able to go up to a guy and start a conversation and haven’t had any come up to me. Now that I’m out of college there really isn’t a way to meet people, it’s hard enough finding new friends. I’m not the type of girl that likes hanging out at bars plus I’m not sure if that really the place I’d want to meet someone. Also if you are wondering, I’ve never been in a relationship, been kissed or even been flirted with.
HEY EMILY, HAVE YOU TRIED ONLINE DATING?
Why yes I have but I haven’t had much luck at all. I’m not sure if it’s just the guys in my area or what but I haven’t even had a conversation with someone longer than a couple days. Maybe I’m holding myself back incase one of them wants to meet me in person or maybe it doesn’t have much to do with me. There was one guy that had potential, I told him I’d never dated anyone before and never heard from him again.
THE FRIEND SETUP FAIL
One of my friends from high school has told me twice that there were guys she could set me up with. She even showed me pictures of both of them. The one she told me is super shy and she could never get him to come to any of the parties she has every once in a while. The other one that she told me about more recently was at her gender reveal party. She didn’t even introduce me to him and because I was the only one there that wasn’t family or a close family friend like he was, I looked like the awkward person sitting in the corner barely saying anything. My mind almost automatically goes to feeling like nothings going to happen with him anymore when I’m sure it’s nothing that extreme. There was a chance that he was going to be at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party I mentioned earlier but he didn’t show up. There’s really nothing else with him, maybe something will happen in the future, maybe not. Only time will tell.
WAYS I COULD MEET SOMEONE
1. Have a friend introduce me to someone
2. Find a super outgoing friend to push me out of my comfort zone. I can have people give me advice but it’s not going to help me get out there. I need a friend that would just go up to a guy and say “Have you met Emily?” just like Barney does for Ted in How I Met Your Mother.
3. Become a contestant on a reality dating show. But first they need to make one for people that aren’t super outgoing and like to get drunk/party all the time. Not all of them have the party requirement but can’t we get one with a different plot? One where they take a quiet/awkward person like me and help him/her get out there.
4. If guys were like they are in the movies.
Everyone always says that you just need to be patient and the right guy will come. What some of them don’t understand is that there are times when we become impatient and are tired of waiting. Plus if I’m going to find the right guy someday it’d be nice to have at least some experience in this area before I find that somebody.
HAVE YOU EVER EXPERIENCED SOCIAL ANXIETY? DO YOU KNOW A GUY YOU COULD SET ME UP WITH?
